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[Weiss Kreuz] Ran <3

January 2014



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Jan. 3rd, 2014

[Sierra Boggess] What other kind of anim

391- Hello, 2014!

Dear LJ,

Hi. It's been a long time. Have you lost weight? Done something different with your hair? You just look so different.

I was originally going to make a post about 2013, and what happened during the past year. I decided against it for a few reasons, though. Mostly because 2013 was so shitty (as it seemed like it was for pretty much everyone I know), I don't think 2013 deserves a recap. So, I'm going to focus on 2014! :)

New Years Eve was pretty fun. I worked for about 12 hours that day, which wasn't as fun. I got sucked into a few TV shows when I got home, and ended up watching TV with my dad until 9:00. After that, I got ready to go spend the New Year at Grant and Anita's place, and ended up playing/watching other people play board games until about 1:00 a.m. I got to have New Years Day breakfast and shopping with Ana (<3), which was great! We haven't been shopping together in forever.

During breakfast, we ended up talking about what we want to happen during this new year. I'm not going to call them resolutions or goals; I'm choosing to call them wishes. These are things that I would very much like to happen, and hopefully my wishes will come true!

I want to travel more this year, and with trips to Chicago and Virginia planned later in the year, I am looking forward to it! I've never been to Virginia, but it's been a dream of mine to go for about 20 years. I'm making it happen this year. I want to continue to do well in school, and I've decided to try and pursue grad school. I will need to start studying for the GMAT/GRE exam soon; hopefully I can get accepted into CSU's program! I want to start getting back into shape, and I'm hoping to lose at least 40 pounds this year. I am going to start doing yoga with Ana and Jake on Sundays, so that should motivate me a little more. I want to win NaNo for the third year in a row this year, and hopefully finish one of my two previous novels! I want to continue saving money, and I'm going to try and put another $3000.00 into my savings account. If I can manage it, I also want to pay off my car, too.

My biggest wishes this year are to spend more time with the people I care about, and to find romance. With Shannon's passing back in March, I've realized that life is very short and precious. I think about and miss her every day, but I know she wouldn't want me to stop following my dreams. I'm not about to go crazy and spend all of my money or anything, but there are some things I'm now planning and doing that I wouldn't have even thought about before. I want to share my life and experiences with my friends and family, and hopefully find someone I can connect with in a romantic way. :)

2014 is going to be a good year.

P.S. I just finished tagging this post, and I don't think I was thorough enough. I think this deserves a few more tags. /joking

Sep. 28th, 2013

[Paradise Kiss] Butterfly

390- Hello, my old heart.

It's been quite a while, LiveJournal. I am so horrible about updating, both this journal and other things. I don't know why I have so much trouble with it. Anyway, I'm here now. Hopefully life has been treating you well.

School started again. I've made it through the first full month without too many issues. I'm taking three classes this semester: Principles of Finance, Intermediate Accounting II and Marketing. I'm enjoying my classes so far-- I've been able to keep up on the coursework without too much trouble. My teachers are really great, and the material itself is pretty interesting. I was very apprehensive about Intermediate Accounting II, since I had so much trouble with Intermediate I last semester. Luckily, Intermediate II is set up completely different than Intermediate I. That's helped, already. Principles of Finance is a mix of Accounting and Economics, with a bit of Stats thrown in. I got a 93.33% on the first Finance test, which is a good start! The first test was mostly conceptual, though, so that probably had something to do with it. Marketing is pretty fun-- my teacher is entertaining, with a lot of stories. She talks to us for the whole hour and fifteen minutes of class; it's a refreshing break from PowerPoint slides. My Accounting teacher does the same thing-- no slides, just talks to us and goes through examples the whole time. I have high hopes for this semester; I hope I'm right!

I had a really rough day today. There wasn't even a reason for it. It was just rough. I feel a little guilty for it, since other people I know are going through rougher times than I am. I know that days are going to be like that-- some are going to be better than others, and some are going to be worse. I just haven't had one of these days in a long while. I can't even really explain how it feels-- the soul-crushing sadness and melancholy of it all. The loneliness. I almost cried more times today than I have wanted to in a long time. In the car, listening to a song. Ordering a sandwich at Spoons. Even buying groceries at King Sooper's today made me feel awful. I think part of it is due to stress from my job, since I have a pretty incompetent co-worker right now. I went into work for about five hours today, which is the second Saturday in a row I've had to do that. It's not even to help her; it's to catch up on the stuff she gives me so I'm not as behind as I would be, otherwise. She's a lovely person... just not the best office worker.

Another part of it is that I've come to the realization that I'm not an interesting and fun person. It's very odd-- I'm friends with so many wonderful and fun people. Shouldn't I be wonderful and fun, by extension? I'm not, though. I've always had trouble making friends and making conversation; maybe I just don't have anything to say? Today I was wondering why people are friends with me, as a result of this. Why people care about me. It's so silly-- I know that people love and care about me, that I can be funny and outgoing with the right people, and that I'm (hopefully) as good of a friend to everyone as they are to me. But today, I couldn't even imagine why anyone would want to be friends with me. I've always had trouble making friends and conversation with people. It was getting a little easier, but now I don't know. It's like there's something stopping me from reaching out to people, even when I know I can.

It's due to today that I know I need to go talk to a therapist. I don't want to have another repeat of a day like this. I think I've accepted the fact that I'm going to be struggling with depression my entire life. That's okay. I read a book a few months ago about famous leaders who went through cycles of depression, and that helped me a lot. I may look into anti-depressants. I've never tried them before, and they may help. There's a catch, though. The things that I really need to talk about, I don't want to. I don't know if talking to a professional will make things more real, and that scares me. I've buried these issues for so long... I don't know if it's worth it to bring up the guilt and anger about what's happened over the past few years.

I don't know where I'm going with this, exactly. I just wanted to write something down. It's helped a little. I am going to try and write something every day, whether it be here or in my physical journal.

For now, I'm just going to try and focus on the positive. NaNo is going to start soon, and I have a few story ideas. School is going well, and I'm going to start to lose weight again. My dad is gone for a while, letting me have some time by myself (which could be a good or bad thing, depending on how each day goes). I have people that love and care about me, and I love and care about them right back. I have plans for breakfast with Kira tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be better. I will make it better.

Mar. 3rd, 2012

[Weiss Kreuz] Ran &lt;3

387- Busy day today...

Cookie baking day! I need to run a few errands and get some lunch, as well. I thought I'd get this meme thing out of the way so I can focus on everything else I need to do today.

It's moo.Collapse )

Mar. 2nd, 2012

[Supernatural] Screaming

386- Weekend!

Finally, the weekend is here! My plan of attack is to get caught up on Castle, bake cookies for Kira's party tomorrow night, homework, laundry, and sleep! I can't believe Midterms are next week...

Day 7 of this meme already?Collapse )

Mar. 1st, 2012

[Weiss Kreuz] Ran &lt;3

385- Work is going to kill me.

An almost 10 hour day today, followed by at least another 10 hour day tomorrow. Yay, work! I am going to try and get there by 6:00 tomorrow morning and get a head start... I still have a lot of stuff to do before we turn the month.

Huzzah for geeking out before bed!Collapse )

Feb. 29th, 2012

[Weiss Kreuz] Ran &lt;3

384- 10:30 already?!

Last night, I watched the 2011 version of The Thing with my dad. It was pretty good! I still think the 1950's version is the best, and this one definitely beat out Carpenter's version.

On to this 30 day thing, so I can go to bed at 10:30 like the old woman I am...

I am doing pretty good so far...Collapse )

Feb. 28th, 2012

[Weiss Kreuz] Ran &lt;3

383- Skipping a day already. Ooops!

Getting this done quickly, so I can go to bed and get up early tomorrow.

Days three and four!Collapse )

Feb. 26th, 2012

[Weiss Kreuz] Ran &lt;3

382- Lazy Sunday is lazy.

Today is going to be a lazy day! I have homework to do, which I will accomplish sometime today. Shannon is coming over, and we are planning on watching Across the Universe and maybe playing some video games. We shall see!

Day two is under here...Collapse )

Feb. 25th, 2012

[Weiss Kreuz] Ran &lt;3

381- "Happiness is a choice."

It's been almost two months since my last post! How time flies...

Nothing much has been going on. Work and school have taken over my life, which is fine. I like being busy, and I'm doing really well at CSU so far. I have A's in all of my classes so far, so hopefully that continues!

I'm feeling a lot better, now that I've had my freak out. Wednesday night I treated myself to a movie, but then broke down when I got home and cried out some of the frustration and sadness I've been feeling over the past year. I feel more like myself now, and I've decided that I'm not going to use what has happened to me regarding my parents as a crutch anymore.

I think I'm going to try and take up a few more hobbies, if I have time. I told Michi that I want to start taking singing lessons again, which is true. I also want to look into doing some horseback riding again, or maybe I'll find something completely new! I want to start yoga and meditation again, as well. I don't know where I'm going to find the time to do this, but I will find a way! Maybe I will be able to make some new friends along the way.

I think I'm going to take up my entry title as one of my two personal mantras. I'm tired of being unhappy with myself, and I will start to remember that I can choose how I feel each day.

Anyway, Shannon found this 30 day meme relating to Resident Evil that she wants me to post. Hopefully it will encourage me to post more often, since I have been really bad about that during the past few years.

30 day meme!Collapse )

Dec. 31st, 2011

[Weiss Kreuz] Ran &lt;3

380- Year in Review: 2011

So long, 2011...Collapse )

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